I haven’t written a blog in some time not because I don’t want to, I always want to write something for you all to read, relate to or take some positivity away from but at the moment I’m working and also studying doing a counselling course which I haven’t spoken about on my blogs yet or mentioned however this blog is not about that.
What this blog is about, is my loss. Some of you may or may not know that my nani ji passed away in March, very unexpected. I could of never imagined her going so soon, she was a cancer patient but was doing so well and good, she herself felt she was good, there was no cancer, she thanked God a million times in the day, it’s not a saying thing, she really did. Throughout the entire day she would just be doing paath and listening to paath. Doctors said she only had 6 months max, she went good, and I mean good 8/9 years.
The one month before she passed away, was nothing like what I or anyone in the family had seen before, really put us all in a shock, when we’d see her in hospital, our minds and hearts knew she isn’t doing too good, and that’s all that our hearts allowed us to feel with great pain, no one wanted to say/think she might not be here tomorrow.
Me being me, not wanting to ever have a single negative thought come to mind, didn’t want to go to hospital, didn’t want to see her like that, didn’t want to listen to what the doctors had to say, didn’t want that to be my thought process but little did I know, that I’d be the one standing right next to her watching her take her last breath, being the one to tell my family she is no more.
It never gets easy, today I drove past the crematorium, nothing in my mind fully smiling and talking away until I recognised where I was and just ended up crying.
This kind of loss is a forever loss, how do you deal with knowing the person you was so close to, use to laugh with, talk away hours with, woke up to is no more?
I’m writing this blog for those who have experienced this or are experiencing this, don’t take the not being easy part negatively, take it positively, how you feel speaks for how much the person meant to you and for them to mean that much to you it’s certain that they showered you with love, taught you so much in life, were your go to when things would stress you out, why do you expect that to be easy?
When they gave you so much, all they wanting off of you now wherever they are watching, is just you smiling thinking of those things, for you to act on what they taught you, to be that person you saw them be.
We can sit for days and cry, and all that will do is make their soul unhappy along with your soul and wellbeing, let this teach you how little life really is, how unexpected time can be, look around, look at the people around you, we are all one day going to leave this world but it’s about the footprints you leave behind, be the BEST YOU. Don’t take anything for granted, smile every day, be grateful everyday, thank God everyday for all that we have.
Don’t think I can do this today, I’m living, I’ll change myself in this amount of time, if you have that thought in mind you already know you’re not being the person you can be 100% proud of, don’t hold tomorrow’s make your today count.
I don’t know how much this blog might have meant to you or one that you liked reading, I wanted to write this so I’ve just typed away on my phone what ever I have in my heart to say right now.
Be good to yourself, give yourself time to heal.